Monday, August 24, 2009 at 11:02 PM
bryn,
what do you exactly want?
what are you seeking for in this r/s?
why are you so fucking sensitive?
and why cant the other person understand?
change?
no point. because you don't understand where you're supposed to change.
because you never never fucking understand.
and i'm very tired of telling you what i'm not satisfied with.
almost two months already.
two months of me being unsatisfied. but i won't quit. i won't give up.
because i'm thick skinned i'm shameless.
many atimes i'm so irritated/pissed off that i would feel like ignoring you.
but eventually i cant. it makes me miss you. makes me sad.
but when i do talk to you again. i'll fucking emo. and i wont make clear why.
sometimes i do. but you never seem to get it.
and i'm one who is easily jealous.
if you like looking at other people and making yourself happy, all the yay for me.
if you dont know what to reply to my words and dont bother thinking of something else to say to me.
because probably you dont even bother talking to me. not like it matters.
there's nothing wrong with occasionally talking about people.
but you never do pay attention to me. when i complain/whine, you're either cant be bothered. or too lazy to think of what to say/help me. because youre fucking lazy. and im fucking hard to please.
choose whichever version.
and the funniest thing is that i can be so direct complaining to your face, and you will go: huh?
its not being blur. its just fcking dumb/feigning ignorance. we'll just break up some day.
i guess i will keep sacrificing to make us last.
nt like you will understand my sacrifices.
i dont wish to meet you tomrrow now.
and it would be nice if you ever did willingly tell me you wanted to come down and find me.
instead of the other way.
im tired of typing.
blogging.
bloging.
im losing every confidence i have in you/me/this relationship.
like please i'm being reasonable. but you never find me interesting. cause i'm not.
you got me but talking to others is always more enjoyable. continue with that.
i'm fine with it. just makes me hurt. and you just fucking signed out.
i really wish you were beside me now. i want to hammer you to death.
fuck you really fuck you so much. you make me laugh you make me cry. i wonder which side i should buy.
you will never realise how painful the past month+days were.
maybe you'll say: if you're not happy then break asap, dont end up hurting me cause im loving you more each day.
and you love in your heart, you dont express.
oh fyi, its either you dont have a heart cause i cant see myself inside. or im just too blind. either way.
i don't fucking think its fair. nothing is fair here.
and i don't need someone who is all but words. in fact the words are fucking minimum.
i mean i can even tell the person i hate the most how much i like him.
but i can dont show it. i know you like me i know you do.
but its too selfish to hide it from me.
treat me like somebody special.
sometimes i just wish we were still at the stage where i was secretly adoring you.
and seeing how cute you were and feeling happy when i got to talk to you online.
now we can talk anytime. anytime. anywhere. anyhow. like seriously anyhow.
we got nothing to say to each other. i keep trying to think of something to say.
and even when im sad, i have to be lame/crappy trying to be retarded.
so at least you'll laugh at times. otherwise none of us will do the talking. its fucking stale.
i know how to make us last.
i shan't ask for a breakup even when my heart is tearing apart.
i dont need someone who says things reluctantly cause i dislike their previous answer.
i mean there's no point you saying it for me to hear. i just wish there was a time you'll naturally want to say it cause you feel so. we have no chemistry. zero. none at all. maybe in another month we'll have 5times the chemistry we have now.
but like you said. 0 x 5 = 0.
i'll never forget anything you said even if i forget my schoolwork.
seriously i love you so much i often end up hating you.
"uhh yaaaa. then you everything also not happy one ma. i always have nth to talk about. i dont like to talk about school life to ppl wat. what else do u expect me to say? general knowledge?"
you know how fucking annoying that sentence is. you may again aay im being petty. but fuck NO.
its just hurting. if you dont have anything to do when youre being with me. you dnt have a clue of what to do with me, what to say to me, but you do have loads to talk about to your other friends, then just have it your way. afterall you wont want to lose me as you claim. and you wont want to do anything about it when you have me too.
you're plain selfish.
i am even more certain you'll read this long post probably a century after i have posted it and being so BLUR you won't understand a shit. so here's a summary: I LOVE YOU BUT IM BEGINNING TO HATE YOU. BUT I WONT LET MYSELF LOSE YOU.
even if i have to lose my brains, i'll not let myself lose you.
youre a fucking bastard/bitch that i love so dearly.
okay great lucky my computer is waterproof. if not its like teardrops on my desktop.
to the fuckiest fucking thing in the world, here's a good night to you that i intentionally did not want to say to you on MSN. cause i so dont want to. thats my problem(:
love you, goodnights.
