Saturday, September 08, 2007 at 9:54 PM
yes, i know.
reading sean's post makes me feel down and lonely. almost word for word it matches my feelings. but maybe he's worse. or i am worse. No one cant be exactly, equally, proportionately worse. and yes. wake up my idea. 23 days!! all of you guys up there, excluding those who are emoing now. can't you see? its too late right? No. i tell myself i can do it, and i must. but can i stop peer pressure from interefering in my life :[
htf... loads of troubles enough. daren actually used depression in his display name.. fine. but there are many people out there who are less fortunate. and me? i feel depress too. every recess when my friends go down together and have something to eat or drink together? what about me? the thing isn't about not going down with friends, maybe it is. but i just sit in class, drinking water.. seriously. the pocket money i have is not enough. and i swear my parent's are not so poor to the extent that i have to starve. my sis live fine. but me? its too little. i either skipp my recess, or else i wouldnt have enough after school for lunch and worse still if i stay back. yes. to some skipping recess is nothing? but i am such a loser. all i know is eat. wake up, breakfast, before lunch i have snack. than my lunch. after lunch, teabreak. and without fail dinner. and yes, i HAVE to eat supper. not an apple or some biscuits. if i were to "ill-treat" myself, it would be 3 packs of oreo. if not, a whole plate of rice n stuff again. or a bowl of noodles plus some snacks and a can of drink. and see? i don't get fat.
and there's this stupid mentality or something wrong with me that i dislike fat people who doesn't seem to realise how they are. you see, Ah ti's not-so-slim. but at least she projects herself well. her character is nice, she's easy going, and cheerful. i especially hate myself for disliking fat emo people. or fat people who think highly of themself. yes, i am no better. that's why i hate myself so.. and you think by killing yourself everything will be solved, nah. stupid mentality then, if you think so, you're worse than me. but i'm quite satisfied with me. because since i am born to be ME, i have no choice but to let it be. daren, -.-its not a rhyming funny thing. haha. but seriously, many people consider themselves unfortunate. but there are people out there worse. example Bevie>Jiayun>sean>daren>bryan.. example in terms of money. i mean pocket money. i seriously don't ask for much. i just dunwan to starve. i hate that feeling when i smell thefood but have no chances of savouring them. i hate the stares peopl give me when i am already sad enough. i hate the rumourspeople fabricate because they want to start a topic. seriously. why do people believe in rumours?
rumours suck real bad. they create a false impression of yourself to people who don't understand you. and yes, i think that most people don't understand us. only we can understand ourselves. but i cant, yes and i know some of you guys think you can't too. i wonder if we should set up some EMO CLUB. nahh, that's for kids play. i rather smth simpler like: nomorerumours club. like creating rumours? what about. do you like the feeling of having rumours about urself? no? then shuddap urself. no one is perfect. and in ANIMAL FARM. we learn from the notes that opposite of PERFECTED is PERVERTED. one by one, you rumour makes/spreaders are perverts dude.. getAlife. suscribe for one at 77th street. helps you improve your own character alot. maybe you might learn to appreciate the people around you. and why do people create rumours. it actually attracts attention to themselves. people want to talk to them to find out more. and they pretend they're intelligent and fabricate shyt. mann.. we're secondary kids. GROW UP. sooner or late if people were to find out what you said was made up, you're a bloody backstabber than. and true, getting yourself into a relation or falling into love brings trouble.
cure?
no doubt there is. go form a gay gang or lesbian "lang"...
i love you dearly and your messages make me happy. when i am down, and if you do text me. i just feel happy. no words to describe though. its that feeling that i cant express. and no chimology will speak it better than the word "i love you" do.. but can you accept my love someday? wouldn't you? or is it that i am too not serious a guy. change? seriously i could try. i don't make empty promises. well, without me you're fine. maybe i'm a crime.. you might be better with me. godluck guys for your exams. i shall do my part too. :D
cheer up friends who are down, for there will always be someone out there, who are worse. yes. its true, trust me :]
-bryn
